May the Fourth Be With You

In honor of Star Wars Day, feel free to use this guide throughout each decision of your life as you channel the force and become the Jedi–or Sith–master that were always destined to be. Whether you want to catch a show or do some exercise, we’re here to usher you closer to your inner truth.

For each Downtown activity, we present the light- and dark-side options. Which side will you choose?

Day Spa

Light Side: Before thinking of yourself, choose the Jedi path and buy a gift certificate for the Padme or padawan in your life.

Throw the teachings of the light side out the TIE fighter window and treat yo dark self like only a Sith Lord can.

Vinyl Music Hall

Light Side: Sister Hazel is coming May 21 so give your all to the light side with this sensibly acoustic brand of music.

Dark Side: Make Vinyl your own personal Mos Eisley cantina with blast from the Tatooine past Blue October. Just don’t hate yourself with the song Hate Me.

Blue Wahoos

Light Side: Those Wahoos are having a so-so season. What they need is your Jedi mind tricks to spur them to a rebellious victory, because Shuckers are for suckers!

Dark Side: The Blue Wahoos may be the rebel team of choice, but everyone knows the dark side is with the Biloxi Empire’s own Shuckers. Come to the dark side and be a Shuckers fan.

Downtown Dining

Light Side: Think of your family or the lovable Wookie waiting for a doggie bag. Eat to your satisfaction, but bring some back home to Jakku.

Dark Side: Embrace your inner Jabba the Hut and show the true power of the dark side by inhaling your food Darth Vader-style and testing the limits of your Mandalorian iron gut.

Garb

Light Side: Light, flowy cotton is the fabric of choice for navigating the humid terrain of Dagobah. Bland is the new black!

Dark Side: Capes! Capes and metallic accessories! The Dark Side is strong in those who adorn themselves with these menacing styles, hot off the runway from Naboo.

Exercise

Light Side: Swing like Yoda and ascend into aerial yoga. Feel the force as you defy gravity and become one with your light side.

Dark Side: Mimic everyone’s favorite teen heartthrob Kylo Ren and push and pull your way to chiseled fitness via resistance training, weight lifting and some light force choking.

Dating

Light Side: Think of when mulleted Anakin and Padme were falling in love. A breakfast at sunrise is the key to a lasting relationship.

Dark Side: You know what DARK stands for? Drinks, Attitude, Risks, and Kanye.

Hobbies

Light Side: Volunteer to knit adorable sweaters for abandoned Ewok babies of Endor.

Dark Side: You know why there’s so many abandoned Ewok’s? Because you and your dark side bros cut down all their trees in your spare time.

Comments are closed.